I Don't Think You're A Monster
by Dragon's Ghost
Summary: What was Abel thinking and feeling as Esther saw his true form for the first time? This is my take on tht, and also on what might have hapened after Abel's breakdown. Slight Abel, Petro bonding in this. Just brotherly fluff, really.


I Don't Think You're A Monster

SUMMARY

What was Abel thinking and feeling as Esther saw his true form for the first time? This is my take on what he might have been thinking. It is also my take on what might have happened after Abel's breakdown. Slight Abel and Petro bonding in this. Nothing romantic, just ordinary, if not brotherly, fluff.

STORY

I gently touched down upon the ground, my black wings spreading behind me and my weapon held limply at my side.

I could see Esther's face clearly in the night gloom of smoke and firelight. She turned to look at me as I stepped towards her, her face showing her terror of what I had become. I reached out towards her with a clawed hand as she looked back down at The Count. Suddenly her face whipped around and she was shouting at me with fearful tears streaming down her pretty face.

"NOOOO!" she screamed at me. My eyes widened and a gasp escaped my lips as I realised what I must look like to her. "No Father! Please don't!" My eyes cannot leave her face, and my hand is still outstretched towards her, my eyes still wide after gut wrenching scream that had been like a knife through my tainted heart. I understood what she thought. To her I was a monster. A monster that her guiding friend became when he had to. A foul, and cruel creature that was not to be trusted.

"Esther." I breathed, trying to sound comforting. "It's alright. Listen." Internally I begged for her to realise that I wasn't going to hurt her or The Count. I tried to tell her through my eyes. In response, Esther gripped The Count tighter and yelled at me again.

"Keep away from us! Keep away!" she started to cry and I felt my heart breaking irreparably at the sound of her broken tears. She whimpered something else that I did not quite hear, but her fear was still evident in her voice.

"Esther." my weapon dropped to the floor with a metallic thud as I started at my hand that had previously been outstretched towards Esther. It was still outstretched, but my palm was facing me.

"God forgive me." I whispered, looking at Esther again through my blood red eyes. Suddenly, it was all too much! The fighting! The memories! The rejection! It all hurt so much as I scrunched my eyes shut and clasped my head with my hands at either side. My very soul wept as I shouted for all of the heavens to hear.

"Forgive me!" My yell ended with an impossibly long roar followed by another, I poured my pain and my sadness into that yell and as the second roar finally ended I broke down into tears, falling to my knees. I knew that Petro could hear me and I knew that Esther could see my emotional breakdown, but I couldn't bring myself to snap out of it.

Everything just hurt too much!

My broken sobs sounded through the empty night. I knew that I should change back before anyone else saw me in my crusnik form, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I hadn't cried properly for a long time and I wanted… no… _needed,_ to get this all out now, so that I would be able to pull back together at all. I could feel my tears stinging my eyes and I could also feel them streaming down my cheeks. It had been years since I'd cried. I hadn't even properly cried at Noelle's funeral. I had sniffed a bit, but mostly I bottled it up. But now, as I kneeled on the earth, my clawed hands fisted upon my knees, I could feel all of the festering despair inside of me release into my cries and my tears, leaving me feeling hollow inside. Although I subconsciously knew that when I got back to the AX, if I was still feeling the same way then, the others would fill the void, but for now, I drowned in my loneliness and pain, just letting it wash out of my system like running water.

At some point I must have transformed back, because Petro had got up and he wasn't gaping at me like I was some rabid animal on show for all to see, and neither was he yelling 'Monster!' or 'Demon!'. I brought my hands up to my face and wiped away my tears, before going to stand up, but a gloved clad hand appeared in front of me. I looked up into Brother Petro's face and found him looking down at me with slight sympathy in his eyes. I took his hand and he pulled me to my feet. I swayed slightly, but he steadied me. Using so mush power was a rarity for me, so it had me rather off kilter. Esther was already moving away with The Count and I watched them go, sadly.

"You don't have to stop on my account." said Petro. "Crying is part of every creature's nature. We all have to cry at some point, and after what just happened, I think you deserve to cry more then most."

"I'm fine." I replied, despite the fact that I was still woozy, so I ended up leaning slightly on Petro for support as we walked. "I've got it all out. I just needed an outlet. It's been so long since I actually cried properly. I can't even bring myself to cry all out at funerals anymore. For some reason, it always happens when I face a rejection of some sort."

"I must admit, that that's the first time I've ever seen you cry, Nightroad." replied Petro. There was silence between us for a minuet, before he spoke again.

"I saw you." I tensed up as I leaned against him. He must have felt my unease, because he started rubbing gentle circles in my back and I felt myself relax at his gentle coaxing and I wondered why I'd never seen this side of Brother Petro before. But then I reminded myself that it was probably because he was a high ranking man who needed to keep a brave face for the sake of his troops. It was perfectly rational after all.

"For what it's worth…" he began tentatively, and I wondered why he sounded so nervous. It wasn't like Petro to be nervous, but then I reminded myself of the professional masks that he had to wear and just let him say what he had to.

"For what it's worth, I don't think you're a monster." Petro finished his sentence with confidence. "I think that facing Esther in that form was a very brave thing to do. It must be hard to be rejected by someone who you care for so strongly."

Before I knew it, those words had set me off again and tears were steaming down my face, only this time, I wasn't alone. Petro held me in a brotherly embrace as I cried out my sorrows onto his shoulder and, like a brother, he just stood firm and listened to what I had to say. I knew that I was talking nonsense most of the time, but he didn't begrudge me for it. When I finally pulled away to dry my eyes he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it me. I quickly removed the tears from my face and the went to hand the little piece of blue fabric back, but he stopped me.

"You look like you need something to draw comfort from." he said wisely. "I know it isn't much, but keep it. And if you ever need a person to be a friend or a brother, or even just a shoulder to cry on, my doorway is always open. Just don't tell anyone, okay."

"You have my word." I replied sincerely. "Thank you. I guess I never realised just how much I needed someone to talk to about it."

"We all need someone to go to." replied Petro. "Even I need someone to talk to every now and then. Come on. We don't want the Cardinal to think that we've gotten lost."

"I doubt that we could do that, even if we tried." I muttered. "The layout in that place is relatively small. Even someone like me would have a job getting lost here." I yawned widely.

"You are going straight to bed when we get the chance to find you one." commented Petro.

"What are you, my mother?" I mumbled sleepily, the call of a promising and dreamless slumber making my vision go blurry and I hoped that I hadn't exhausted myself to the point where I'd faint on the spot. I barely heard Petro's chuckle at my 'mother' comment. However, with the promise of sleep not that far away, I wasn't really that bothered.

At least I knew that not everyone thought of me as a monster.

* * *

I do not own Trinity Blood. I make no profit from this.


End file.
